Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
