I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
