fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
where am i from again
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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