If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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