I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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