I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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