Im at strip club and am horny
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize