omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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