No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
