I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
