no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My ATM looks so different sober.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
