god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
