YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
