The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
