She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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