once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize