im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
