Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
