So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
