Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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