Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
