Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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