Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
