I bet he comes in French.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
