so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
