I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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