He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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