He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
