In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Brb crying the tears of my youth
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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