once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
