garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
