I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
