Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize