She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
