Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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