i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize