It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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