another moral hangover. fuck.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
