is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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