she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
