dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
