In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
