So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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