I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
