That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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