I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
this is an emotional support booty call
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
