I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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