found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
