i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
