I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
