On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize