my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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