I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
