if i can run in heels then i can drive
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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