Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
