How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
even my farts smell like vagina
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
