Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
