Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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