You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
