Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
