Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
