yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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