I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
