Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
