She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
