Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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