smell my finger.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
