Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
