You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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