As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
