I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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