so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
