I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
