u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
