i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We are two peas in an std pod
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize