my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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