you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
