we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
