My friends, they love my intelligence
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
