Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize