I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
