And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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