STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
