I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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