Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
