The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize