you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I believe in your delicious
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
