He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
