the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
