She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
how drunk are you?
Several
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
