and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
