Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
