You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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