morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pants are for mortals
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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