Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
