just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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