i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
