It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
