New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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