Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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