I CAN MOONWALK!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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