I think im going to throw up on grandma
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
