I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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