When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
