if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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