i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
