I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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