There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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