The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is the high leading the old right now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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