good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
